In the latest episode of “Building Dreams,” I delve deep into the essence and initiation of my healing journey—a concept that is profoundly personal and often misunderstood. The term “healing journey” can encompass a wide array of experiences, but for me, it has meant confronting and healing from decades of unrecognized trauma embedded deep within me.
The Unseen Impact of Trauma
From a very young age, my life was overshadowed by a domestic atmosphere charged with emotional, mental, and physical abuse. This persistent tension was primarily fueled by the tumultuous marriage of my parents, lasting 36 years. During this period, I inadvertently took on the role of an unofficial marriage counselor from the tender age of five until I was 23. Despite the challenging environment, outwardly, we maintained the facade of a perfect American farm family. Yet, behind closed doors, the reality was starkly different.
The “Aha!” Moment
It wasn’t until I became a mother myself that I truly understood the depth of my unresolved issues. I promised myself that the toxic cycle would end with me. I envisioned giving my children a life filled with emotional stability and love—attributes sorely missing from my childhood. However, the real test came unexpectedly through the innocuous daily challenges of parenting. One particularly trying day involved a potty-training standoff with my daughter, Tesla, who I humorously nicknamed ‘Testing Tesla.’ Her defiance in that moment mirrored the aggression and manipulation I grew up with, leading to a profound realization: despite my best intentions, I was inadvertently perpetuating the cycle of abuse.
Seeking Help
That night, overwhelmed and determined, I sought professional help for the first time. This decision marked the true beginning of my healing journey. Therapy was transformative; it introduced me to concepts like gaslighting and trauma triangles, which helped me understand my experiences. I engaged with resources that explained the dynamics of my upbringing and started to untangle the complex web of emotions and behaviors that had shaped me.
Healing and Sharing
The process was neither quick nor easy. It involved revisiting painful memories, confronting deep-seated emotions, and slowly learning to regulate a lifetime of a dysregulated nervous system. However, the journey was invaluable, not just for personal growth but also for how it allowed me to better nurture my family and share my learnings with others.
Ongoing Journey and Outreach
My healing journey is ongoing, and the lessons I’ve learned have become a central theme in my life that I am eager to share. Whether through speaking engagements, personal interactions, or platforms like this blog, I am committed to helping others recognize and heal from their trauma. If my experiences resonate with you, or if you are on your own healing journey, remember: it’s never too late to seek help and make a change.
If you’re considering therapy or need someone to talk to, I’m here to help guide you to the right resources. Please reach out, and let’s take these steps towards healing together. Your past doesn’t define your future. It’s possible to reclaim your life and find peace.
Your journey matters, and you are not alone.
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