The Year and a Half Pause
There was a year and a half pause between when I thought my book was done and when I was actually done. My book has definitely been a God mission of the messages that I am meant to bring forward and share with you. I actually had to live them out while I was writing the book. And so, the story I’m going to share with you today is a story on healing and forgiveness.
Vulnerable Stories and Sneak Peeks
I am doing a series of sharing vulnerable stories and things that are emotional for me, stories you will hear in my book and get to read. I want to share them with you today as an early sneak peek of what the book has to offer. This story is particularly significant as I am sharing it this month in May, marking the one-year anniversary of when it happened.
A Chapter That Wasn’t Ready
When I first wrote this book, I had a chapter that wasn’t quite ready to be written because I had not lived it yet. The year and a half pause between when I thought the book was done and when I was actually done was necessary to include this chapter. My book has definitely been a God mission of the messages that I am meant to bring forward and share with you. I had to live them out while writing.
The Hardest Thing I Had Ever Done
As I was writing this book, I shared about the tension I grew up with and the ties I had to cut in my family. The boundaries I had to set. I basically cut ties with my whole family, especially my dad, for many years. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done in my entire life. It was so hard because we were so close, and I know it’s wild to think about cutting ties with someone you’re so close with.
The level of closeness was related to the level of disappointment when he would not change his ways. I wanted him so badly to change. I wanted him to see the light, to break out of the anger, rage, and aggression he would show. But I learned you cannot heal for people when they are not ready to heal for themselves. You cannot change people when they are not ready to change.
Raising My Children Without Their Grandpa
Cutting ties with someone I loved deeply was not fun. Raising my children to not know who their grandpa was, also not fun. Seeing happy families together on holidays was hard when I knew I did not have that. I had to stand my ground and maintain my separation. During that time, I grew my family and my business. I needed that level of separation to become my own person and pursue my dreams.
Realizing My Life Goal
Last year, in the first quarter, we moved $8 million worth of real estate. Among the dreams realized was purchasing 320 acres of farmland, connecting to the 13 acres we already owned. Achieving this life goal brought me a strong sense of peace. Part of the tumultuous relationship with my dad revolved around the desire to inherit my family farm. He used that inheritance as a manipulation tactic.
When I cut ties with him seven years earlier, I decided I needed to figure it out on my own. I had to achieve my dream independently. Seven years later, it was realized. A month after achieving this, I felt it was time to reconnect with my dad.
Reconnecting with My Dad
I had a call with my coach who reminded me that reconciliation and forgiveness are godly acts. I decided to meet my dad where he was, accepting him as he is, because I am happy with who I am. I called him, and he answered on the first ring, after seven years of no contact. We decided to meet the next night at Culver’s, a local burger and ice cream chain.
When we arrived, he had a horse and wagon in the parking lot, giving rides to daycare kids. My children were excited and hopped in the wagon, meeting their grandpa in this delightful way. We had a neutral conversation, catching up over the last seven years, and it was not awkward attending family events afterward.
Full Circle Healing
Meeting with my dad brought me a sense of peace and allowed me to release years of anger, bitterness, and resentment. Full circle healing happens when you let go of these negative emotions. I reached a place where I had no more expectations of what I needed from him. I had grieved the person I wanted him to be and released those expectations.
Encouraging Others to Heal
If you have gone through a similar situation, I encourage you to reach out three times. Write letters, extend communication, and if they do not respond, release it to God knowing you tried. For me, meeting my dad was a full circle healing experience, letting go of expectations and finding peace.
Thank you for listening to my story. I hope it inspires you. If you would like to share your story or need suggestions on reconnecting with someone, please reach out. I would love to connect with you.
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